I Love You - A Short Story
She knew she couldn't keep on going like this.
She knew it...down in the bottom of her heart....Way down where all those dark secrets she never told anyone about took hold. Those dark secrets were like bear claws and teeth scratching and gnawing at her heart.
She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep living like this. She needed a change. She needed someone to snap her out of the fantasy she had been living almost her entire life.
She wanted to start living - to really start living. But this living was going to be different. This living didn't involve parties, drugs, or a different guy each night. No, this kind of living was something she had dreamed of for a while, but that she could never grab hold of.
But she wanted it. She needed it.
No more depression, she thought to herself.
She sat up in her bed and peeked through the blinds. Outside, the sun was beginning to rise. Cars on the city street below her apartment honked. An ambulance flew by, its siren echoing off the sides of the buildings.
She pushed off her covers and walked over to the mirror on her closet door. Her long blond hair was disheveled. There were dark circles under her eyes. Her cheeks were tear-stained. She had been crying often the last few nights. No one loves me. She needed someone to love her for being her, not for her body. That wasn't love.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at herself in the mirror. How ugly she was. What shame she felt. No one loves me.
"I love you."
The voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked around, but there was obviously no on else in the room.
"I love you. You are beautiful to me."
She took in a deep breath when she realized she recognized the voice. She had heard it before.
She had a flashback of running through the woods behind her house when she was six years old. She had wandered too far away from the house and had heard a noise. It had scared her. She didn't know how to find her way back home. She kept running through the trees, not sure where she was going, alone and afraid. Then a voice had spoken to her.
"Do not be afraid. I am with you."
The voice had scared her at first, but then she felt peace. She had been able to find her way back home, where her parents were standing on the porch, calling her name. She remember her mom scooping her up into her arms, whispering, "I love you. I prayed God would send you back to me."
Snapping back to the present, she glanced over at her nightstand where she had left the Bible her mother had given her years ago. She walked over to the nightstand and ran her fingers on the thick leather bound book.
"I forgive you. You do not need to be ashamed any longer."
She fell to her knees with tears welling up in her eyes, and then looked heavenward. "God," she prayed aloud, "I know You are talking to me. I know Your voice. I heard it before when I was young. I...I need to change. I want to change. I can't do it without You. I need Your help. Please forgive me, God. Please forgive me. I'm sorry." She choked on the words as more tears welled up in her eyes.
She wept. But this weeping was different. This weeping was not a depressive weeping, but rather a cleansing. It seemed to cleanse all those dark secrets hidden inside.
After what seemed like hours, she finally stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She could already feel the change. She felt as though someone was lifting her. She felt loved. She felt beautiful. She felt free. Though her hair was still messy, and her face wet, she saw a sparkle in her eyes. She saw hope.
"I love you."
And for the first time in a long time, she smiled.
She knew it...down in the bottom of her heart....Way down where all those dark secrets she never told anyone about took hold. Those dark secrets were like bear claws and teeth scratching and gnawing at her heart.
She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep living like this. She needed a change. She needed someone to snap her out of the fantasy she had been living almost her entire life.
She wanted to start living - to really start living. But this living was going to be different. This living didn't involve parties, drugs, or a different guy each night. No, this kind of living was something she had dreamed of for a while, but that she could never grab hold of.
But she wanted it. She needed it.
No more depression, she thought to herself.
She sat up in her bed and peeked through the blinds. Outside, the sun was beginning to rise. Cars on the city street below her apartment honked. An ambulance flew by, its siren echoing off the sides of the buildings.
She pushed off her covers and walked over to the mirror on her closet door. Her long blond hair was disheveled. There were dark circles under her eyes. Her cheeks were tear-stained. She had been crying often the last few nights. No one loves me. She needed someone to love her for being her, not for her body. That wasn't love.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at herself in the mirror. How ugly she was. What shame she felt. No one loves me.
"I love you."
The voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked around, but there was obviously no on else in the room.
"I love you. You are beautiful to me."
She took in a deep breath when she realized she recognized the voice. She had heard it before.
She had a flashback of running through the woods behind her house when she was six years old. She had wandered too far away from the house and had heard a noise. It had scared her. She didn't know how to find her way back home. She kept running through the trees, not sure where she was going, alone and afraid. Then a voice had spoken to her.
"Do not be afraid. I am with you."
The voice had scared her at first, but then she felt peace. She had been able to find her way back home, where her parents were standing on the porch, calling her name. She remember her mom scooping her up into her arms, whispering, "I love you. I prayed God would send you back to me."
Snapping back to the present, she glanced over at her nightstand where she had left the Bible her mother had given her years ago. She walked over to the nightstand and ran her fingers on the thick leather bound book.
"I forgive you. You do not need to be ashamed any longer."
She fell to her knees with tears welling up in her eyes, and then looked heavenward. "God," she prayed aloud, "I know You are talking to me. I know Your voice. I heard it before when I was young. I...I need to change. I want to change. I can't do it without You. I need Your help. Please forgive me, God. Please forgive me. I'm sorry." She choked on the words as more tears welled up in her eyes.
She wept. But this weeping was different. This weeping was not a depressive weeping, but rather a cleansing. It seemed to cleanse all those dark secrets hidden inside.
After what seemed like hours, she finally stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She could already feel the change. She felt as though someone was lifting her. She felt loved. She felt beautiful. She felt free. Though her hair was still messy, and her face wet, she saw a sparkle in her eyes. She saw hope.
"I love you."
And for the first time in a long time, she smiled.
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